Y'all... I have shared my luck with men. We I have to have had the two worst baby daddy's I could have found. I cant think of any catchy names for theses jokers, so they will just be Thing 1 and Thing 2. Lets talk about then shall we??!
Thing 1: My first love and high school guy. I won't call him a sweetheart because that would mean we both went to school, which he didn't. I love him to death. We had a child 3 weeks before my 17th birthday. That fool did what young thugs do...got a younger model (by the way-I'm 2yrs younger than he but that wasn't a good enough spread cuz I was smart) The younger model (6yrs I believe) and Thing 1 are together to this day with 2 adult children of their own.
Anyhow, Thing 1 never spent time with his daughter even though we lived within walking distance of each other for years. He just sent $85 a month in child support, which later increased to $500 a month. I gave it al to his daughter religiously since I had Thing 2 in my life. He gave he no birthday or Christmas gifts. He never came to her graduations or school events. He did manager to show up to her high school graduation and stayed around until I asked him to help me buy her a car for her 21st birthday. Then he went into hiding for a year until her wedding and showed up there mad because thing 2 walked her down the aisle. Now that Thing 1 is an old dude trying to make up for his sins of the past, he is trying to be a good grandpa to my grand babies. He and I fight because he always wants to pick them up when I am in town (I live 3 hrs away-he lives 30 min away). But that's his story...selfish to the end. And did I mention he's really dumb? Well ok. He's really dumb and that ain't cute.
Thing 2: OMG!!! This thing here likes to use his dummy skills to get out of any and everything that comes with parenting and that takes effort on his part. I live in Fresno; he lives in San Francisco. Our daughter is plays competitive travel softball and has 4 summers straight. It is costly and time consuming and he does not support monitarily or attend. He has shown up to less than 4 tournaments in 4 yrs. this year, I advised daughter and Thing 2 that I was exhausted and I retired. Not paying and not playing the run up and down the state game this year. I just want to get on my motorcycle and go. This retirement was stemmed by my daughters progress report and attitude. She got the grades back up and over the 3.0 mark, but I had to putt foot down as she will be a senior this fall
Love is not a problem for Thing 2-commitment, dedication and funding are his Achilles heels. He's got none of the above for us and never has. But he stepped up! After our daughter went over my. Head (her daddy reigns surpeme and they have a love affair like no other) he agreed to pay for summer ball and take her to every tournament. That's when the lies and the fun began....
Lie #1: Thing 2 paying ANYTHING on time. Of he may pay, but is always in installments. I have to put out the Capitol and pray that he will give it all back. He NEVER does. And no, I don't get child support , but did I mention that the child he created when we were a couple by someone else did until a couple years ago, and that he now has a 3yr old??? I didn't? Must has slipped my mind.. Anyhow, when it came time to pay, of course the money had not been deposited in my account. I told him (this time). No cash from him, no check from me. So he did it. Well, the second and final installment came due. He asked me for the money-I laughed. He figured it out and gave it to the coach on my birthday, because I was not there (the first time I have had a birthday not involving softball in 4 years)
Now. I was supposed to go to Seattle this weekend on my motorcycle with a club of women I am trying to join. I told Thing 2 this 3 months ago. This is before softball came into play. He agreed to take care of daughter and claimed he had it all under control. 7/1/13, I ask how we are gonna arrange for the daughter drop and he tells me he can't get her until Saturday!!!! What?!?!? I'm supposed to leave the state in 2 days and you are even interested in getting her until I'm a day away from coming back home??? And did I mention that he did this via text message and wouldn't answer the phone? No??? Ok... Long story short- no Seattle for me. I ended up getting a room with the team and taking daughter to the state championships. Rah rah rah!!!
Additionally, since I didn't go to Seattle there was a get together with the rest of the ladies that could not make the trip. I said I would go. Well, I talked to Thing 2 and he said he would come by 2pm---he arrived after 5pm. I missed my event and more importantly, I look like a flake. Daughter waited for him all day as well. When he finally arrived after 5pm, he walked right past me (with the 3yr old in tow) and sat away from the bleachers. Later the 3yr old come to me to go to the restroom and I a now the official score keeper and babysitter simultaneously. In the end (had to deposit the baby back to her rightful owner) he said he could only come if the game was after 12niib Wow!
So.....that was my frustration. My new guy (gotta know him longer to give him a name) takes me off the ledge. So I've decided to come back in, stop being so hasty, and give Saturday a whirl.
Until later....
T
Saturday, July 6, 2013
Thursday, July 4, 2013
Lookin for love in all the wrong places......
Well yawl....Saturday was my 46th birthday. I began contributing to this blog 5yrs ago. Of course...I stopped in the midst of it all, however, I am back....And its on a crackin' cuz I got something to say!
Let me just start by saying this....I have been through HELL! These men folk have torn down my self esteem, made me question my self-worth, my judgment, and at times my sanity. I have been used, taken advantage of, mislead, hoodwinked, and any other unsavory adjective you can think of. But through it all, I am still hopeful that I will find love and happiness (which makes you know I am crazy), and, I am STILL STANDING!
All of the players have changed. Here's who remains and who has joined:
* Sleepless in Discovery Bay -- We talk to each other 1x a quarter just to keep in touch
* New Player - Preacher Man/EBT King. - More like Rev. Ike. Got more women than King
Herod. Always doing something stupid and/or crooked to get cash. Cant
keep a job cuz he's a crook, but somehow, he is sweet as pie. Anyhow,
keep those food stamps coming!
* New Player - Jelly Belly Man - He can be really sweet, however, all he wants is sex and he
makes no bones about making sure that is all he is offering. We even talk
about the fact that I need a man...WOW!
*New Player - Secret Lover Man - Hot ass mess! We have been friends for years. I never
knew or realized he was interested in me....got me in trouble with my close
friend and her family, and I never did anything! CRAZY!
*New Player - -- See below... Can't give him a name yet
Now what you may not know is that I have become an all out biker babe. I have a 2004 Harley Davidson Road King named "Baby Boy". My last bike was a sportster named Jaheim (get the theme here...they are fine ass black men!). Now Baby Boy was originally blue, so that kind of influenced his name. It was either Baby Boy or Tyreese. Baby Boy won -- even though he is now white with pink lettering. Oh well...
Now with this biker babe persona, comes all sorts of labels and stereotypes. Some believe you are just low life (that would be most of our mother's talking) or a slut, or a criminal. I am none of these. I am just an HR manager that likes to have a good time on two wheels. My biker identity just gives me the opportunity to go out and meet low lives, sluts and criminals (both male and female). And in the midst of that, I occasionally meet regular folks like me.
Well...here's how my story begins. I took my bike to a Harley certified mechanic because my throttle cable (like the accelerator) snapped when I was returning from Arizona. I also needed some paint done thanks to the tow truck driver (they didn't listen to me when strapping my bike down...what did this silly woman know about her bike anyway???)This owner/mechanic (a 50something Latino man) talked with me and immediately told me that I needed a man..... DUH! I have been writing about this for 5 years now! Which makes you all know that I have needed a man for even longer than that! It takes a lot of nerve to write about your man-less situation! ..(but anyway) He told me that he was going to find me a man. I laughed him off because I was sure that the man he was going to find was the one speaking to me. In all actuality, it was, however, when I told him I don't do married men and that I like big black men, he said....ok and that he still had someone in mind for me.. (whatever)
So....I get a call one day regarding me horrible paint (my original paint job was so bad, I cried) from the brother. Now, the mechanic is latino, so I automatically assumed that this brother of his was latino. And when I spoke to him on the phone, I didn't even catch on that the man was black, because he had his professional voice on (he is a painter/master mechanic) and he sounded like wonder bread to me. I was at work using my HR manager voice, so the conversation was short. I told them I was on a conference call and would call later. Later came in about an hour, and I ran over to the shop to discuss paint.
I walked in and didn't see anyone Latino but the owner. What I did see was a rather large, tall dark and handsome black man. I walked right past him (yall know I still act married and don't look at men like I should) and went to my bike. And then, he spoke and I heard the voice from the phone. It was like and angel from heaven.....
So, the man quickly interviewed me (yes, HE interviewed ME -- can you believe that?) because I was told by his brother and now him, that he had a degree in business admin and he owned his own business/shop. In a few minutes, we were chatting. By the end of my visit, we exchanged numbers. Wow....The shop owner found me a man!
Soooooo, after talking and getting to know each other, we really hit is off. He has kind eyes and a gentle smile, but still looks like he just might push in someone's face if they get out of line! This is the man for me!!! We took a little ride for my birthday to Long Beach.
Well...after a trip to the Harley Dealer, a walk on the pier, and a beautiful early dinner, it was clear that we are just smitten with each other. We laughed and talked and even giggled. He teases me because I am vertically challenged at every opportunity. I tease him about being abnormally large (6'2 and 290lbs of muscle). We are able to talk about everything and move from subject to subject with ease. No subject is tabu. We talk about our accomplishments, fears, pain, joys and sorrows. OMG! The shop owner found me a man?!?! I think he did!!!
So with that ladies, I have a lot to write about. I will keep you posted. And...you know those other yahoo's are still gonna be around making things colorful and interesting;
Until the next time....fly low and keep off the radar!
T
Let me just start by saying this....I have been through HELL! These men folk have torn down my self esteem, made me question my self-worth, my judgment, and at times my sanity. I have been used, taken advantage of, mislead, hoodwinked, and any other unsavory adjective you can think of. But through it all, I am still hopeful that I will find love and happiness (which makes you know I am crazy), and, I am STILL STANDING!
All of the players have changed. Here's who remains and who has joined:
* Sleepless in Discovery Bay -- We talk to each other 1x a quarter just to keep in touch
* New Player - Preacher Man/EBT King. - More like Rev. Ike. Got more women than King
Herod. Always doing something stupid and/or crooked to get cash. Cant
keep a job cuz he's a crook, but somehow, he is sweet as pie. Anyhow,
keep those food stamps coming!
* New Player - Jelly Belly Man - He can be really sweet, however, all he wants is sex and he
makes no bones about making sure that is all he is offering. We even talk
about the fact that I need a man...WOW!
*New Player - Secret Lover Man - Hot ass mess! We have been friends for years. I never
knew or realized he was interested in me....got me in trouble with my close
friend and her family, and I never did anything! CRAZY!
*New Player - -- See below... Can't give him a name yet
Now what you may not know is that I have become an all out biker babe. I have a 2004 Harley Davidson Road King named "Baby Boy". My last bike was a sportster named Jaheim (get the theme here...they are fine ass black men!). Now Baby Boy was originally blue, so that kind of influenced his name. It was either Baby Boy or Tyreese. Baby Boy won -- even though he is now white with pink lettering. Oh well...
Now with this biker babe persona, comes all sorts of labels and stereotypes. Some believe you are just low life (that would be most of our mother's talking) or a slut, or a criminal. I am none of these. I am just an HR manager that likes to have a good time on two wheels. My biker identity just gives me the opportunity to go out and meet low lives, sluts and criminals (both male and female). And in the midst of that, I occasionally meet regular folks like me.
Well...here's how my story begins. I took my bike to a Harley certified mechanic because my throttle cable (like the accelerator) snapped when I was returning from Arizona. I also needed some paint done thanks to the tow truck driver (they didn't listen to me when strapping my bike down...what did this silly woman know about her bike anyway???)This owner/mechanic (a 50something Latino man) talked with me and immediately told me that I needed a man..... DUH! I have been writing about this for 5 years now! Which makes you all know that I have needed a man for even longer than that! It takes a lot of nerve to write about your man-less situation! ..(but anyway) He told me that he was going to find me a man. I laughed him off because I was sure that the man he was going to find was the one speaking to me. In all actuality, it was, however, when I told him I don't do married men and that I like big black men, he said....ok and that he still had someone in mind for me.. (whatever)
So....I get a call one day regarding me horrible paint (my original paint job was so bad, I cried) from the brother. Now, the mechanic is latino, so I automatically assumed that this brother of his was latino. And when I spoke to him on the phone, I didn't even catch on that the man was black, because he had his professional voice on (he is a painter/master mechanic) and he sounded like wonder bread to me. I was at work using my HR manager voice, so the conversation was short. I told them I was on a conference call and would call later. Later came in about an hour, and I ran over to the shop to discuss paint.
I walked in and didn't see anyone Latino but the owner. What I did see was a rather large, tall dark and handsome black man. I walked right past him (yall know I still act married and don't look at men like I should) and went to my bike. And then, he spoke and I heard the voice from the phone. It was like and angel from heaven.....
So, the man quickly interviewed me (yes, HE interviewed ME -- can you believe that?) because I was told by his brother and now him, that he had a degree in business admin and he owned his own business/shop. In a few minutes, we were chatting. By the end of my visit, we exchanged numbers. Wow....The shop owner found me a man!
Soooooo, after talking and getting to know each other, we really hit is off. He has kind eyes and a gentle smile, but still looks like he just might push in someone's face if they get out of line! This is the man for me!!! We took a little ride for my birthday to Long Beach.
Well...after a trip to the Harley Dealer, a walk on the pier, and a beautiful early dinner, it was clear that we are just smitten with each other. We laughed and talked and even giggled. He teases me because I am vertically challenged at every opportunity. I tease him about being abnormally large (6'2 and 290lbs of muscle). We are able to talk about everything and move from subject to subject with ease. No subject is tabu. We talk about our accomplishments, fears, pain, joys and sorrows. OMG! The shop owner found me a man?!?! I think he did!!!
So with that ladies, I have a lot to write about. I will keep you posted. And...you know those other yahoo's are still gonna be around making things colorful and interesting;
Until the next time....fly low and keep off the radar!
T
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
OMG! Am I still female?
It has been quite a while since I have had the nerve to sit down and write. There has been so many changes in my life. No more parents (dad passed Sept 12, 2012); the list of men has dwindled, but there were new players (we will change the names to protect the innocent); and I believe I have a new love interest. Whew! I got a lot to talk about yall.
Well -- I originally wanted to title this post "How I became a man". I was talking with my friend from Los Angeles (Toni), and complaining about the way our lives have turned out. We are both long time phone company employees. We both were/are single mothers. We both have an adult daughter, and one child at home - 12 and 14 years apart. We both own our own homes. We both had the same career path (operators, to service rep, to trainer, to management).
Toni and I are so similar in so many great things. We also have similar failures....MEN! We pick the wrong ones to throw our entire being into. We give them our all, knowing they do not quite deserve even our efforts on our worst day, and defend our actions to the end. We say to ourselves that these slugs have potential, and if we could just give them that gentle nudge and a chance, we will get a return on our investment. That man is gonna love me forever and treat me right! I will be the envy of all my friends.....ALL LIES~!
She and I were talking about our plight after she and her live in had been going thru some things. She shared that he (let's call him Al) had said that she was too harsh because when he said that he should just leave (meaning, move out), she didn't try to stop him. Instead, she said, "If that's what you think is best". Al couldnt believe it and got all bent out of shape because she didn't throw herself at his feet and beg him to stay (as his ex-wife would have done). Toni gently reminded him that she was not going to argue or beg, and if he had been thinking about it, then he should do what he believed best.
Now, I agree with Toni. I do not beg, I do not argue. I know that the pool is bad but hey....I still have my dignity. I know my worth. Toni knows her worth. We have standards which do not include begging and crying at someone's feet.
I began to think and think and think some more. And when I finished thinking...I was mortified. OMG! I'm a MAN!
Think about it....I do everything that a man would do (other than sex) for myself. I have been told by more than one man that I don't need them and that I was intimidating. One even went as far to as to look at my house, my car, and the way I carry myself and told me that he couldn't afford me. Wow!
I have a house and have been in it 5 years with no help. Now I am struggling, but that's not apparent from the outside looking in. I have a car. Its old, but it is a luxury car. From the outside looking in, I'm winning once again. My daughter is always looking good, and I look decent myself. Strike 3 - next batter! If there is something wrong with my car, I take it in. If my daughter wants to go somewhere, I figure it out. My hair is done ($200 braids with no less than $150 worth of hair in my head). My jell nails are done. I have a Harley. I do this all on my own. I don't ask for help (well, unless its my sis or best friend). I make this all look easy. My baby daddy asks me for loans all the time and I give them to him (they turn out to be gifts cuz he doesn't give them back). I take care of nephew jailbird like its my responsibility. OMG! I am a man!
I had become a man right before my own eyes. I had decided not to be dependant. I had decided not to flutter my eyelashes at any and every man I saw wthout a ring on his left hand. I had decided that I would not run around in heels at a motorcycle event and just wear riding boots. I had decided that I would not put on a full face of makeup on a 100+ degree day in Fresno. If they don't like it, screw it. I had decided that I would not give those only wanting sex the time of day. I had decided that I would not date beneath me. OMG....I had become a man!
I know that in my day and age, young girls were raised to grow up and finda a husband to take care of you. Now, we were told to get an education, however, it was always expected that we would utilize our skills to suplement the main income of the household -- not to be the sole income or breadwinner. I had done the exact opposite. I had not found a husband and I made all the money with I actually had a man. I was actually the man! Every major decision - Mine! Every major expense - Mine!
I also realized that I would stand up to just about anybody. I would not allow a man to tell me what to do or where to go. I observed that a lot of those women that I say "I'm way better than that" have men and I don't. Its because they cater to the men's egos. They do not make waves, they do not talk back. They do not render an intelligent opinion. I just can't be that.
I've got some updates, because I met someone that does not mind that mentally, I will have to go through the transgender process. So more to follow on that (I will blog about my birthday). I am please to announce that I have entered the process and I am getting thru the steps swiftly. But I just wanted to ensure that my sisters here had the key signs.
So ladies...just watch yourselves. It's easy to catch...but not so easy to get rid of (especially here in Fresno).
Until tomorrow...
T
Well -- I originally wanted to title this post "How I became a man". I was talking with my friend from Los Angeles (Toni), and complaining about the way our lives have turned out. We are both long time phone company employees. We both were/are single mothers. We both have an adult daughter, and one child at home - 12 and 14 years apart. We both own our own homes. We both had the same career path (operators, to service rep, to trainer, to management).
Toni and I are so similar in so many great things. We also have similar failures....MEN! We pick the wrong ones to throw our entire being into. We give them our all, knowing they do not quite deserve even our efforts on our worst day, and defend our actions to the end. We say to ourselves that these slugs have potential, and if we could just give them that gentle nudge and a chance, we will get a return on our investment. That man is gonna love me forever and treat me right! I will be the envy of all my friends.....ALL LIES~!
She and I were talking about our plight after she and her live in had been going thru some things. She shared that he (let's call him Al) had said that she was too harsh because when he said that he should just leave (meaning, move out), she didn't try to stop him. Instead, she said, "If that's what you think is best". Al couldnt believe it and got all bent out of shape because she didn't throw herself at his feet and beg him to stay (as his ex-wife would have done). Toni gently reminded him that she was not going to argue or beg, and if he had been thinking about it, then he should do what he believed best.
Now, I agree with Toni. I do not beg, I do not argue. I know that the pool is bad but hey....I still have my dignity. I know my worth. Toni knows her worth. We have standards which do not include begging and crying at someone's feet.
I began to think and think and think some more. And when I finished thinking...I was mortified. OMG! I'm a MAN!
Think about it....I do everything that a man would do (other than sex) for myself. I have been told by more than one man that I don't need them and that I was intimidating. One even went as far to as to look at my house, my car, and the way I carry myself and told me that he couldn't afford me. Wow!
I have a house and have been in it 5 years with no help. Now I am struggling, but that's not apparent from the outside looking in. I have a car. Its old, but it is a luxury car. From the outside looking in, I'm winning once again. My daughter is always looking good, and I look decent myself. Strike 3 - next batter! If there is something wrong with my car, I take it in. If my daughter wants to go somewhere, I figure it out. My hair is done ($200 braids with no less than $150 worth of hair in my head). My jell nails are done. I have a Harley. I do this all on my own. I don't ask for help (well, unless its my sis or best friend). I make this all look easy. My baby daddy asks me for loans all the time and I give them to him (they turn out to be gifts cuz he doesn't give them back). I take care of nephew jailbird like its my responsibility. OMG! I am a man!
I had become a man right before my own eyes. I had decided not to be dependant. I had decided not to flutter my eyelashes at any and every man I saw wthout a ring on his left hand. I had decided that I would not run around in heels at a motorcycle event and just wear riding boots. I had decided that I would not put on a full face of makeup on a 100+ degree day in Fresno. If they don't like it, screw it. I had decided that I would not give those only wanting sex the time of day. I had decided that I would not date beneath me. OMG....I had become a man!
I know that in my day and age, young girls were raised to grow up and finda a husband to take care of you. Now, we were told to get an education, however, it was always expected that we would utilize our skills to suplement the main income of the household -- not to be the sole income or breadwinner. I had done the exact opposite. I had not found a husband and I made all the money with I actually had a man. I was actually the man! Every major decision - Mine! Every major expense - Mine!
I also realized that I would stand up to just about anybody. I would not allow a man to tell me what to do or where to go. I observed that a lot of those women that I say "I'm way better than that" have men and I don't. Its because they cater to the men's egos. They do not make waves, they do not talk back. They do not render an intelligent opinion. I just can't be that.
I've got some updates, because I met someone that does not mind that mentally, I will have to go through the transgender process. So more to follow on that (I will blog about my birthday). I am please to announce that I have entered the process and I am getting thru the steps swiftly. But I just wanted to ensure that my sisters here had the key signs.
So ladies...just watch yourselves. It's easy to catch...but not so easy to get rid of (especially here in Fresno).
Until tomorrow...
T
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Da da da-da da-da...today's my birthday!
Well, another year has come to a close. A totally new year has begun. But somehow, I got the same ol' mess going on.
I had a wonderful day...I got my hair cut down to about an inch long, went to the spa with Chica, then had lunch; went to Tia's softball practice, got on facebook, now...blogging. What's missing....You got it...a man!
Someone posted on facebook that the person you are looking for is not looking for you; and those looking for you, you are not looking for. Ain't that the truth.
Let's set the record straight: I have NO idea who I am looking for. I just know it is not the folks that are looking for me!
First off: I had the nerve to be a little disappointed when Mr. Republican did not give me a call to tell me happy birthday; rather, he posted a generic greeting on my facebook page. I have a right mind to delete him from my friends list. My real friends called me today!
Second: Mr. Sleepless in Discovery Bay called (we talk just about every day) and he forgot it was my birthday! But, we did chat and all was pleasant. I was not really disappointed in him at all...I guess I have very low expectations.
Third: A new/old guy that I have not mentioned before. Let's call him Leroy Flinstone because he is a black version of Fred Flintstone. He is ugly, loud, obnoxious, and thinks the world revolves around him and his needs. The only person that doesn't know this is him. But, of course, this is because he is in his own little world...and he does not want to leave it. Anyway, Leroy texted me at 5 am because HE has to be at work at 4am. Gee...thanks guy! I wanted a birthday wish when I was into my deep sleep on my day off...thanks! What a butt! Then, he proceeded to call and text the entire time I was in the chair getting my hair cut. He continued calling while I was at the Spa. I told this idiot that I had a full schedule, but to no avail. He just kept interrupting my day because he didn't get to speak to me. He has been texting me for about 6 months asking when can he come to Fresno (from the bay of course) to see me. I give him my schedule (every other weekend) and of course, he has yet to be seen. I keep telling him that the freeway runs north and south...I've tested it for myself. Apparently, he does not believe. Not that I even want to see him! YUCK! So why do I even su
subject myself to this... I DON'T KNOW!!!
My day also just didn't go as I invisioned....but does it ever? Over all, I guess I am ok. I just don't understand why I can't get on the right track....
A year older, but not much wiser....oh well
I had a wonderful day...I got my hair cut down to about an inch long, went to the spa with Chica, then had lunch; went to Tia's softball practice, got on facebook, now...blogging. What's missing....You got it...a man!
Someone posted on facebook that the person you are looking for is not looking for you; and those looking for you, you are not looking for. Ain't that the truth.
Let's set the record straight: I have NO idea who I am looking for. I just know it is not the folks that are looking for me!
First off: I had the nerve to be a little disappointed when Mr. Republican did not give me a call to tell me happy birthday; rather, he posted a generic greeting on my facebook page. I have a right mind to delete him from my friends list. My real friends called me today!
Second: Mr. Sleepless in Discovery Bay called (we talk just about every day) and he forgot it was my birthday! But, we did chat and all was pleasant. I was not really disappointed in him at all...I guess I have very low expectations.
Third: A new/old guy that I have not mentioned before. Let's call him Leroy Flinstone because he is a black version of Fred Flintstone. He is ugly, loud, obnoxious, and thinks the world revolves around him and his needs. The only person that doesn't know this is him. But, of course, this is because he is in his own little world...and he does not want to leave it. Anyway, Leroy texted me at 5 am because HE has to be at work at 4am. Gee...thanks guy! I wanted a birthday wish when I was into my deep sleep on my day off...thanks! What a butt! Then, he proceeded to call and text the entire time I was in the chair getting my hair cut. He continued calling while I was at the Spa. I told this idiot that I had a full schedule, but to no avail. He just kept interrupting my day because he didn't get to speak to me. He has been texting me for about 6 months asking when can he come to Fresno (from the bay of course) to see me. I give him my schedule (every other weekend) and of course, he has yet to be seen. I keep telling him that the freeway runs north and south...I've tested it for myself. Apparently, he does not believe. Not that I even want to see him! YUCK! So why do I even su
subject myself to this... I DON'T KNOW!!!
My day also just didn't go as I invisioned....but does it ever? Over all, I guess I am ok. I just don't understand why I can't get on the right track....
A year older, but not much wiser....oh well
Friday, April 2, 2010
Boomerang!
Ok All...
Its been a while since I have sat down to write. Mainly, because I have not had anything to write about. My life is D-E-A-D. This is a strange new world for me because since I turned 40, I have been fabulously off the hook. But, due to family reponsibilities (Dad is ill), I have had to turn it down a notch or two. Anyhow....I have a burning question in my mind and on my heart, and I, the eldest, do not know this answer. I need your oracles of love to look beyond the forest to see the trees on this one...
Why is it that we....ok...let me start over. Why is it that I have traditionally had a hard time saying no when an Ex contacts me and wants to be a part of my life again. It doesn't matter if it ended badly; abruptly; quickly---I'm mean New York minute quickly; or with a mutual understanding and agreement to remain friends --- somehow, it feels "safe" and I am usually willing to "give it a whirl" if they have the least bit of potential entertainment value.
This makes me so mad at myself. I promise to never look back. But that dog-gone ego of mine says everytime, "Go for it Tray....they have_________(fill in the blank) and you could used some ____________(fill in the blank)." Now, these blanks are not necessisarily tangible. It could be that they are funny (either intentially or not), and I could use a laugh. It could be that they have a spa bathtub and I need a spa. It could be because they are really good dancers, and I want to dance. Or it could be because they are or have all of the above, and I am feeling like I deserve that. I don't know what it is, but I always consider giving it one more try...
Now, if I am alone in this, just tell me and I will slap myself, for myself and try to work this out. But if this is not just a Tracy thing, please take me out of my misery and let me know.
Why do I come out of hibernation and ask this.....I thought you'd never ask.
I told you about my guys: Biker Chef (He's just too far away---rats!); Bay Area Fatboy (oh brother....he still loves me tho!); Fresno Fatboy (He just needs to get a wife so he can get laid and have someone cook for him); Texas Hold 'Em (He needs to remember he was poor once and that I was there to witness the poverty); and Damaged Goods (He didn't want to breathe the same air as his now Ex-wife). Well......They're baaaaccccck! (kinda -- with the exception of Biker Chef...He's busy working on his restuarant).
Bay Area Fatboy was down here in GFF (that stands for God Forsaken Fresno) a couple weeks back. He called about a month ahead and said that he wanted to see me...you know...blah-blah-blah. He always remineses about the good ol days and how he does not know why he left me go. (How about to make 3 babies with your child bride/girlfriend? Does that ring a bell?) Anyhow, I was not available. My ex/baby-daddy (hahahah -- I love calling him that) came down for Tia's softball tournament and we were spectating on saturday. He did an up and down trip, but BAF didn't need to know that. He quickly ASSUMED that I was not available to him because of Baby Daddy/Family time. The truth is: I am just not available to him. Period...end of story. He keeps calling out of genuine concern. I mostly ignore his calls because I know there will be much bullshit on the other end if I let it get that far. I do not wish to be his sounding board with he and the child bride issues. I just want him to go away....after all, it's been over 10yrs since we were together. I want him to get over it...but the minute I think he can offer me some sort of entertainment, I crack the door, and he pushes on thru! My fault? Yes!
Fresno Fat Boy (FFB): He came to my rescue this weekend. I had to go out of town; my house was burgularized on Friday, and I didn't have a window yet (boarded up like the projects). So.,...FFB brought a Pit Bull to house sit in my back yard. He even cleaned up the mess. He has been calling about once a week to check on me and my dad situation...but it's not without a lil plug that we don't have sex and he is waiting on me to come to my senses and give him some (ROFL). This is the joker that asked me about 9 months ago if I were having sex with anyone else AFTER he and I stopped talking for about 5 months. Of course, I told him the truth and he got all bent out of shape, let me out of his truck, then peeled off out of the Starbucks parking lot. What a bozo! But still....this bozo had a lil $$$$ and I need that security. I'm not getting any younger and the way I like to spend, I need a sponsor....so....FFB to the rescue. The problem: He's so boring I could die! I would have to cheat on him, and he is so paranoid of being cheated on (his ex cheated and he got a PI during the divorce) that I would have to be Wonder Woman to pull it off! So there's that ... Why am I giving this a 2nd thought? I DONT KNOW!!!
Texas Hold Em: He and I have history. The problem: He has a present which includes a wife; 3 kids (none by the wife); 2 baby mama's; he a big time republican and I am not; he's short and has "the syndrome"; and did I mention he was married with 3 kids and 2 baby mama's? I did? Oh...ok.
He pledges undying love during every phone call since I told him to hit the road. Now, he is trying to get rid of wife, baby mama's, but not the kids (I'm sorry....I don't want lil kids, especially if they aren't related to me...I know it sounds mean, but that's where I am). I am just thinking....Will you be able to afford me if you sever your ties with these 3 women? More to follow on him.....
Damaged Goods: Damaged Goods is healing! I am so happy for him. We went out about a month ago and had a really good time. He is actually a lot of fun. Problem: Ex wife has him suspicious of everything....and I am a hot number when I am in the bay. His suspicions are probably accurate. He is still in the Bay Area -- in Discovery Bay no less...so that's not exactly the most happening place to live.
Ok....so why do I return!?!?! Should I be running the other way? Please help!
Its been a while since I have sat down to write. Mainly, because I have not had anything to write about. My life is D-E-A-D. This is a strange new world for me because since I turned 40, I have been fabulously off the hook. But, due to family reponsibilities (Dad is ill), I have had to turn it down a notch or two. Anyhow....I have a burning question in my mind and on my heart, and I, the eldest, do not know this answer. I need your oracles of love to look beyond the forest to see the trees on this one...
Why is it that we....ok...let me start over. Why is it that I have traditionally had a hard time saying no when an Ex contacts me and wants to be a part of my life again. It doesn't matter if it ended badly; abruptly; quickly---I'm mean New York minute quickly; or with a mutual understanding and agreement to remain friends --- somehow, it feels "safe" and I am usually willing to "give it a whirl" if they have the least bit of potential entertainment value.
This makes me so mad at myself. I promise to never look back. But that dog-gone ego of mine says everytime, "Go for it Tray....they have_________(fill in the blank) and you could used some ____________(fill in the blank)." Now, these blanks are not necessisarily tangible. It could be that they are funny (either intentially or not), and I could use a laugh. It could be that they have a spa bathtub and I need a spa. It could be because they are really good dancers, and I want to dance. Or it could be because they are or have all of the above, and I am feeling like I deserve that. I don't know what it is, but I always consider giving it one more try...
Now, if I am alone in this, just tell me and I will slap myself, for myself and try to work this out. But if this is not just a Tracy thing, please take me out of my misery and let me know.
Why do I come out of hibernation and ask this.....I thought you'd never ask.
I told you about my guys: Biker Chef (He's just too far away---rats!); Bay Area Fatboy (oh brother....he still loves me tho!); Fresno Fatboy (He just needs to get a wife so he can get laid and have someone cook for him); Texas Hold 'Em (He needs to remember he was poor once and that I was there to witness the poverty); and Damaged Goods (He didn't want to breathe the same air as his now Ex-wife). Well......They're baaaaccccck! (kinda -- with the exception of Biker Chef...He's busy working on his restuarant).
Bay Area Fatboy was down here in GFF (that stands for God Forsaken Fresno) a couple weeks back. He called about a month ahead and said that he wanted to see me...you know...blah-blah-blah. He always remineses about the good ol days and how he does not know why he left me go. (How about to make 3 babies with your child bride/girlfriend? Does that ring a bell?) Anyhow, I was not available. My ex/baby-daddy (hahahah -- I love calling him that) came down for Tia's softball tournament and we were spectating on saturday. He did an up and down trip, but BAF didn't need to know that. He quickly ASSUMED that I was not available to him because of Baby Daddy/Family time. The truth is: I am just not available to him. Period...end of story. He keeps calling out of genuine concern. I mostly ignore his calls because I know there will be much bullshit on the other end if I let it get that far. I do not wish to be his sounding board with he and the child bride issues. I just want him to go away....after all, it's been over 10yrs since we were together. I want him to get over it...but the minute I think he can offer me some sort of entertainment, I crack the door, and he pushes on thru! My fault? Yes!
Fresno Fat Boy (FFB): He came to my rescue this weekend. I had to go out of town; my house was burgularized on Friday, and I didn't have a window yet (boarded up like the projects). So.,...FFB brought a Pit Bull to house sit in my back yard. He even cleaned up the mess. He has been calling about once a week to check on me and my dad situation...but it's not without a lil plug that we don't have sex and he is waiting on me to come to my senses and give him some (ROFL). This is the joker that asked me about 9 months ago if I were having sex with anyone else AFTER he and I stopped talking for about 5 months. Of course, I told him the truth and he got all bent out of shape, let me out of his truck, then peeled off out of the Starbucks parking lot. What a bozo! But still....this bozo had a lil $$$$ and I need that security. I'm not getting any younger and the way I like to spend, I need a sponsor....so....FFB to the rescue. The problem: He's so boring I could die! I would have to cheat on him, and he is so paranoid of being cheated on (his ex cheated and he got a PI during the divorce) that I would have to be Wonder Woman to pull it off! So there's that ... Why am I giving this a 2nd thought? I DONT KNOW!!!
Texas Hold Em: He and I have history. The problem: He has a present which includes a wife; 3 kids (none by the wife); 2 baby mama's; he a big time republican and I am not; he's short and has "the syndrome"; and did I mention he was married with 3 kids and 2 baby mama's? I did? Oh...ok.
He pledges undying love during every phone call since I told him to hit the road. Now, he is trying to get rid of wife, baby mama's, but not the kids (I'm sorry....I don't want lil kids, especially if they aren't related to me...I know it sounds mean, but that's where I am). I am just thinking....Will you be able to afford me if you sever your ties with these 3 women? More to follow on him.....
Damaged Goods: Damaged Goods is healing! I am so happy for him. We went out about a month ago and had a really good time. He is actually a lot of fun. Problem: Ex wife has him suspicious of everything....and I am a hot number when I am in the bay. His suspicions are probably accurate. He is still in the Bay Area -- in Discovery Bay no less...so that's not exactly the most happening place to live.
Ok....so why do I return!?!?! Should I be running the other way? Please help!
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Another Crisis Averted!
Ok, So, I was out with my steady date boy on Friday night, right? I had plans to see new date boy on Saturday night, for dinner and music documentaries at his house. I love music documentaries.
Saturday afternoon he calls and leaves a msg to say hi. Later, he sends a text saying, "harumpf." Then, at 5 pm, he leaves me this pissed off message asking if we are still meeting and telling me to call him if no, so he can make other plans, "or whatever." He said "whatever" about three times.
I was so irritated by the tone, the expectation that I should be available to him before our date and his demands, that I sent him a text saying, "I am having my day, ------, if you want to make other plans for the evening, I understand. I heard nothing for the rest of the night.
This afternoon, he sends me a text saying, "ouch, my heart hurts Iris. No fair..." I sent one back saying that I am ready to talk if he wants. He writes back, "talk about what, Iris? It is pretty obvious you're in deep with your married fellow. I just wish you would've been honest with me from the start." (I actually was honest or he wouldn't know about the "married fellow.")
Then he texts, "joker." I always call him a joker...
I continue to tell him that I am open to talk.
Then he says, "you stood me up Iris; just when I was falling in love with you."
OMG
I continued to tell him that I was open to talk.
Again, I asked if we could talk. I could'nt believe the craziness. I hadn't gotten the chance to stand him up - we weren't supposed to meet until around 7 or so...In love with me? What??? We've gone out for about two months. Ladies, I know I am old-fashioned, but I am not in close to being in love with him - I don't feel like I know him yet.
He finally called and there was all kinds of scratchy movement on the phone and he sounded slurry. FOUR TIMES, he called and couldn't manage to stay on the phone. He slurred, "hello," and the call would drop. The fifth time he called he stayed on. I asked him what was going on and why the call kept dropping? He said, "I was going through the tunnel." I said, are you driving? "Yeah, he said, under the bridge." I asked, are you drunk? He said, "yeah." A few mumbles later, I asked, are you at home? He said, "yeah."
OK - (He couldn't have been on the Bay bridge in the previous calls and been at home on the current one...)
So, I told him we couldn't talk if he was drunk and he agreed. But, he had to add, "you drive me crazy - you drive me fucking crazy."
OH BOY
I got off of the phone. This poor boy is crazy - and it has nothing to do with me. Good to know. Thank God! Another crisis averted by my sister spirit - guardian angel.
Saturday afternoon he calls and leaves a msg to say hi. Later, he sends a text saying, "harumpf." Then, at 5 pm, he leaves me this pissed off message asking if we are still meeting and telling me to call him if no, so he can make other plans, "or whatever." He said "whatever" about three times.
I was so irritated by the tone, the expectation that I should be available to him before our date and his demands, that I sent him a text saying, "I am having my day, ------, if you want to make other plans for the evening, I understand. I heard nothing for the rest of the night.
This afternoon, he sends me a text saying, "ouch, my heart hurts Iris. No fair..." I sent one back saying that I am ready to talk if he wants. He writes back, "talk about what, Iris? It is pretty obvious you're in deep with your married fellow. I just wish you would've been honest with me from the start." (I actually was honest or he wouldn't know about the "married fellow.")
Then he texts, "joker." I always call him a joker...
I continue to tell him that I am open to talk.
Then he says, "you stood me up Iris; just when I was falling in love with you."
OMG
I continued to tell him that I was open to talk.
Again, I asked if we could talk. I could'nt believe the craziness. I hadn't gotten the chance to stand him up - we weren't supposed to meet until around 7 or so...In love with me? What??? We've gone out for about two months. Ladies, I know I am old-fashioned, but I am not in close to being in love with him - I don't feel like I know him yet.
He finally called and there was all kinds of scratchy movement on the phone and he sounded slurry. FOUR TIMES, he called and couldn't manage to stay on the phone. He slurred, "hello," and the call would drop. The fifth time he called he stayed on. I asked him what was going on and why the call kept dropping? He said, "I was going through the tunnel." I said, are you driving? "Yeah, he said, under the bridge." I asked, are you drunk? He said, "yeah." A few mumbles later, I asked, are you at home? He said, "yeah."
OK - (He couldn't have been on the Bay bridge in the previous calls and been at home on the current one...)
So, I told him we couldn't talk if he was drunk and he agreed. But, he had to add, "you drive me crazy - you drive me fucking crazy."
OH BOY
I got off of the phone. This poor boy is crazy - and it has nothing to do with me. Good to know. Thank God! Another crisis averted by my sister spirit - guardian angel.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Do you know the way to San Jose?
Ok...now that I know 'how' I got here, can anyone give me directions out?
A man once asked the question, "who the hell left the gate open"? I don't know 'who' but I know where they all went.....FRESNO!
But seriously, I had the awesome opportunity to see Tyler Perry's new play tonight....IN FRESNO! We are now on the map. I guess it has to do with that college world series thing??? Since then, we've had Jay-Z and now Tyler. This is only Tyler's 2nd week out with this play (Madea's Big Happy Family)...less than 1 month since his mother passed away. I tell ya...the man is funny. Madea is ridiculous....and so is Fresno!
No...nothing bad happened. It was actually quite pleasant. It's just weird. Everybody knows each other. Well....everybody except me. Again...One of these things just doesn't belong here....Tell me, can you guess which one! Yup! You guessed right...ME!
While everyone greeted each other, I looked around and saw that they were all somewhat happy with their outing on a Tuesday night in Fresno. They actually almost filled the entire theater (Fresno is only 9% black, so that was a feat), everyone got along, no drama. So why am I upset? I think I miss drama!?!?
I miss the Paramount Theater, where if you get in front of the wrong person in the line to the parking lot, there could be a car fight. I miss the groups of gum-poppin 20 somethings walking in to the theater with all their stolen garb on, only to have someone walk in with the identical outfit. I miss little ol lady ushers in their St. John district uniforms, showing me down the isle. I miss beauty of the Paramount Theater.
Fresno is like a big suburb...I think that is my problem. That theater we were in (I can't remember the name...gotta look at the ticket) is the same place where the circus performed in the summer. Right next door is the convention center and the Soroyan Theater, where the opera plays. Why not there???? Why did Tyler have to play where they lifted the big top? Theater appearance: UGLY!
Next -- the people. They were nice...really...they were. But man---it was like a high school reunion. Everybody knows each other. Its like Mayberry. Worse yet, I overheard a conversation between two couples where they went down the line and mentioned about 8 people that had swapped spouses in a number of different combinations. I felt sick to my stomach...I thought, "what have I done"? I don't fit in here.... I'm not related to anyone, therefore, I am not marketable! I would be like starting fresh, and we could not have that! At least, not according to those 4 people that were talking.
It just lets me further know that I've got to either merge into traffic here, or get on the road and get out of here. I am afraid to do either. If I stay, will I become, "one of them"? If I leave, will I just keep running and searching?
Oh Oracle of Love...please show me the way...please give me the answer. (that means you ladies!)
Till later
T
A man once asked the question, "who the hell left the gate open"? I don't know 'who' but I know where they all went.....FRESNO!
But seriously, I had the awesome opportunity to see Tyler Perry's new play tonight....IN FRESNO! We are now on the map. I guess it has to do with that college world series thing??? Since then, we've had Jay-Z and now Tyler. This is only Tyler's 2nd week out with this play (Madea's Big Happy Family)...less than 1 month since his mother passed away. I tell ya...the man is funny. Madea is ridiculous....and so is Fresno!
No...nothing bad happened. It was actually quite pleasant. It's just weird. Everybody knows each other. Well....everybody except me. Again...One of these things just doesn't belong here....Tell me, can you guess which one! Yup! You guessed right...ME!
While everyone greeted each other, I looked around and saw that they were all somewhat happy with their outing on a Tuesday night in Fresno. They actually almost filled the entire theater (Fresno is only 9% black, so that was a feat), everyone got along, no drama. So why am I upset? I think I miss drama!?!?
I miss the Paramount Theater, where if you get in front of the wrong person in the line to the parking lot, there could be a car fight. I miss the groups of gum-poppin 20 somethings walking in to the theater with all their stolen garb on, only to have someone walk in with the identical outfit. I miss little ol lady ushers in their St. John district uniforms, showing me down the isle. I miss beauty of the Paramount Theater.
Fresno is like a big suburb...I think that is my problem. That theater we were in (I can't remember the name...gotta look at the ticket) is the same place where the circus performed in the summer. Right next door is the convention center and the Soroyan Theater, where the opera plays. Why not there???? Why did Tyler have to play where they lifted the big top? Theater appearance: UGLY!
Next -- the people. They were nice...really...they were. But man---it was like a high school reunion. Everybody knows each other. Its like Mayberry. Worse yet, I overheard a conversation between two couples where they went down the line and mentioned about 8 people that had swapped spouses in a number of different combinations. I felt sick to my stomach...I thought, "what have I done"? I don't fit in here.... I'm not related to anyone, therefore, I am not marketable! I would be like starting fresh, and we could not have that! At least, not according to those 4 people that were talking.
It just lets me further know that I've got to either merge into traffic here, or get on the road and get out of here. I am afraid to do either. If I stay, will I become, "one of them"? If I leave, will I just keep running and searching?
Oh Oracle of Love...please show me the way...please give me the answer. (that means you ladies!)
Till later
T
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